I have pretty much the exact same symptoms.
1) Battery went dead. Replaced battery. Battery was maybe 4 years old. Ah, it was just it's time to go. Nope.
2) Dash was lit up like a pinball machine. Pretty much every possible light was flashing. VSA, emissions, charging, airbag etc. etc.
3) Battery ends up dead again. Charge battery.
4) Replaced charging harness (pos battery cable assembly). No change.
5) Replaced alternator (new OEM one $$) and negative battery cable. Disconnect bluetooth module.
6) All the dash lights go off for a bit, yeah, it's fixed! Driving it around. Everything seems fine. The emissions light pops on, but no other lights. Ok, maybe we're good. Wrong, car dies on the way to work. Battery is dead.
So I thought step 5 had it fixed, nope.
Another odd quirk it has/had was that when you turned on the low beams, they wouldn't come on, but if you kicked on the AC, they would then come on.